.you taught me to look in your eyes

[.xander;;]

and fed me your sweet lies
suddenly someone was there at the window
looking outside at a sky that had never been blue

there's a world without you
i see the light
living in a world without you
there is hope to guide me
i will survive
living in a world without you

the statue situated in his usual corner sofa lurched into an upright position that rivaled his previous slouch. strangely animated compared to normal, the young man ripped the headphones from his ears and shoved them into his pocket. there they accompanied the ipod they were attached to in the dark, away from his range of hearing. he could not even bear to hear his most favorite sound; not in those words and not on this day.

a large man looming over the brunet, becoming suspicious at the sudden movement, straightened up when the younger one slid further down into the couch then remained still.

xander glared ahead with his trademark all-seeing stare. his neck was uncomfortably situated in a sharp bend between his back, practically on the cushion, and his head, propped against the back of the couch, but he did not bother moving again.

today marked the fourth anniversary of his arrival at the quattrocchi site. and while not everything sucked as terribly as it had when he first came, he found almost nothing good, either. of course, as had previously been established, he was somewhat grateful for the strange brand of care provided by stan, dan, and katze. but past that? he couldn't remember being more miserable. not only did his life in general suck, his health (at least, the health of his appearance...and of course his mental health) was slowly deteriorating. his hair had grown a few inches in the last couple of months and now appeared carelessly untidy. occasionally he forgot little things, like what order the books on his shelf were in, what day of the week it was, that shaving was a necessary thing to keep stubble off his face. from the moment he'd been committed, xander had pleaded sanity, but now he swore he was going crazy.

blue-green eyes dropped to the floor. yes, he had people who were there for him, but katze was a therapist, and stan and dan were guards. when would he have someone he could really talk to? or rather, be talked to by. he hadn't spoken with any of his friends from home in years, and the last thing any of them had said to him was essentially "fuck you." and the chances of finding someone worthy of the "friend" status here? in a mental asylum? none. no "friends" here, just the occasional actor who led him on and dumped him like a stray.

never leave me.

three months ago. three months she had spoken those words to him. bullshit. xander had never left anyone he cared about. even when it was stupid and selfish, he always clung to people he gave pieces of his heart to. but when those people ran off with those pieces, a part of him decayed from the inside. what about never leaving him? why were people allowed to leave him? he couldn't believe he had let himself so quickly get so close to that poe when he knew he couldn't have trusted her. he couldn't trust anyone here. even if they pretended to care, sooner or later, they left. they left him. everyone left him.

[-poe]

"have you seen xander? er.. caleb xander?" poe sounded almost frantic. but the chubby male nurse in front of her remained perfectly calm, like her problems didn't matter at all. in fact, he even looked a bit confused- he didn't know who she was talking about. frustrated, she added quickly, "the wolf kid?" a spark of recognition lit up the nurse's eyes, and he pointed behind him, indicating the rec room. poe muttered a quick thanks, and rushed off in that direction.

the last three months had been hell. hell's hell. a few days after she last conversation with Xander, lucy had become louder in her mind, angrier. poe had been more happy than she could remember being in a long time, and lucy just couldn't have that. to shut her up, poe did the only thing that really worked anymore- solved the mental pain with a good dose of physical pain. she'd broken off a piece of her plastic lunch tray, leaving a piece sharp enough to cut, if she applied enough pressure. in her room the next night, she had gone to town with it, and they'd found her during one of the night checks, barely conscious, blood staining the clean white floor.

for the few months after that, they'd put her on temporary high-risk, and increased her med dose. poe was more sleepy, and gaining some weight, but it did seem to be helping somewhat. so for that endless time, she stared out her window- meals brought to her, almost in solitary confinement. any time her guard had taken her out of her room, she made sure to not take poe anywhere near the male patients, including xander. there was no way she could ever make up for it, or at least feel like she deserved to be forgiven. she should have had more control over herself, she should have been able to resist lucy's anger without resorting to her old ways.

poe took a deep breath before she went into the rec room, and spotted xander in a corner, one of his twin guards shadowing him as usual. for a few moments, she stood in the doorway, before some impatient girl pushed her out of the way she she tried to get in. poe stumbled, but didn't say anything to the pushy girl- she couldn't take her eyes off xander. slowly, carefully, she moved over to him, and tried to remain strong- and not break down crying like she wanted to.

"i'm... i'm so, so sorry, xander." she mumbled, the words sounding clumsy. in the last month or so, she'd started planning a long, drawn-out apology, but now that it came time to say it, the words were lost. she hung her head, shaking it slightly. poe turned up her wrists, and held them out to xander, as if that was explanation enough. the scars, though old, looked jagged and slightly pink. far newer than the old cris-crossed scars that had turned white by now. she knew there was little chance he would get it, but she couldn't find any words to explain it more than that.

[.xander;;]

forget reading, writing, music, all that. xander's favorite hobby these days was brooding. miss somebody? brood. get called a nasty animal? brood. mashed potatoes cold by the time you sit down? brood. person you haven't seen in a couple months stop by to say hi? br--wait.

he had noticed her before she said anything. he stared at her until a little bit after she spoke. he observed the fresh scars on her wrists with a cocked head and calculating eyes. when he looked back up at her face, those eyes did not hold the hope they had in their last meeting. however, they were not cold, on the other hand. they were devoid of any attachment, good or bad. perhaps deep in the stormy sea that was xander's gaze, there was a hint of surprise, maybe even happiness, at seeing her...but if that was so, it was too deep to see past his unkempt hair.

the lycanthrope didn't understand what poe meant by showing him her tattered wrists, and he didn't want to assume. and anyway, as far as he was concerned, whatever she was trying to say by that was inadequate. no, he wasn't holding a grudge. he still cared about her, though he was under the impression she did not care about him. his lack of interest in her stemmed from distrust. if he let himself go, he would grow attached all over again and be even more hurt when she left him again. xander was sick of being hurt. even if he didn't have a way of saying it, his sick appearance spoke for him enough. without even reaching for his pen and pad, the brunet removed his gaze from poe and resumed staring emptily at the space in front of him.

[-poe]

another gulp. it was getting so much harder to resist tears. she could feel the hurt coming off her friend in waves, and she knew it was all her fault. after another deep breath, she slowly lowered herself down onto the couch next to xander. it was hard to talk about what had happened in such a public place, but she knew there was no other choice. trying to ignore the rest of the world, she mumbled quietly, "lucy doesn't like me to be happy. sometimes all i can do to shut her up is to hurt her- hurt me." she paused, glancing over to make sure xander was listening.

"i'm happy when i'm with you." her voice was frank, truthful. "a few days after a last saw you, she... she wouldn't stop. i had to make her leave me alone. i couldn't stand it anymore." poe's voice has become shaky, louder, and more frantic. she had to make him understand that she hadn't meant to hurt him. "i lost control of myself." she upturned her wrists again, and this time their meaning was clearer. "they put me on high risk- almost in solitary after that. i tried to visit you, but they wouldn't like me. they released me back to medium risk today."

poe was hunched over, her hands clasped together, her head hanging over her knees. that was all she could say, she just wished, hoped, hell- even prayed that he would understand now, and forgive her, even though she couldn't forgive herself. silently, she cursed lucy. why couldn't she go away and let poe have a normal life, for once? a normal relationship. of course she knew that was in vain, that lucy would never leave her completely. only with the right dose of meds would she remain manageable, and could let poe have some state of normalcy.

[lynx]

Oh boy, wandering to this strange Rec room was a pain for the therapist, but one of this usuals was locked within solitary, so he had the time.

Finding the nurse and guard that stood there, a book in hand as he flashed his employee badge, and he was asked his reason for going in there.

"I need to see Xander, I have a book he left in my office and I am to return it..."

Finding him weird, they just let him pass. Taking a moment to look around, one of his usuals spotted him!

[glow=red,2,300]"Oh heeeeey! Dr. Kitty!" The female walked up to Lynx and gave him a huge hug! She was schizophrenic by the way, and had a severe limp in her left leg.[/glow]

"Oh hello..." A little distracted now, but looks toward Xander a moment.

[glow=red,2,300]"So, I have to go now Doctor! Seee yaaaa!" And she walked off limping with a smile on her face. Aw, how sweet.[/glow]

"Bye..." Lynx walked toward Xander, not noticing Poe at the moment as he smiled and looked down at the brooding individual. He held out the book that the male had requested the other day, quite proud of himself for actually bothering to get it. It was a hard find too, not many around the area of course.

"Ah, I... got that book you wanted, Xander..." He said, smiling and happy, flowers and smiley faces were coming off of the man once again Like they always were of course, why would this time be any different than any other time? He was such a sweet man after all, would do anything to be nice to poor cute Xanny-poo (Tifferny's opinion by the way).

"I hope you enjoy it."

So he was standing there in possibly the most dangerous room there was, he had pissed plenty of people off that was in this room and there was no way his safety was in place. So of course Lynx was a smiling and happy person that he always was unless on morphine. Thankfully, no, Lynx was not on morphine because Xander hadn't bit/attacked the shit out of the poor and frail doctor. Yes, the man was underweight and of course very very pretty. Very feminine looking.

A shift, and lovely blond locks fell to the side, going into his eyes. He hadn't trimmed his hair in a bit so it was getting all pretty and long, at least he looked more girly than usual. Who knew, that man could be wearing heels instead of normal shoes. Yet, his pants were so long that it couldn't be told if he was or wasn't at this particular time.

Actually, for all anyone knew, Lynx was really some scary transvestite, or worse, a lady. Yes, Lynx could be a woman.

So the blond then shifted and looked at the upset Poe, actually noticing her. (Bad Lynx, not noticing Poe! Bad! Bad boy!)

He knelt down out of concern for the poor dame, a worried, but slightly smiling look on his features as he reached forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. This worried and concerned look on his face as it always was when someone was upset.

"Miss... are you alright?" He asked softly of the female, his head tilting because he hoped she wasn't crying. The doctor was such a sweetheart when it came to these things, and plus, the poor girl was just... Oh it broke his heart.

He gently pat her shoulder.

"Is there anything I can do for you miss?"

My, what a concerned gentleman. He looked to Xander and his eyes asked 'what was wrong'. Unknowing that he had just ruined a perfectly good moment with his ever-so-active 'LYNX RUINER MOMENT MODE'. Yes, this is actually a thing that was invented by Lynx himself to ruin all meaningful moments that would ever take place in Xander's life or any moment that was special within Quack Shack.

Especially that moment the other day between a psychiatrist and someone else doing it in the showers. Now THAT was something he wasn't looking forward to revisiting in his dreams. Yeah, catching two men doing certain sexual things that are not to be mentioned in detail about those manly sexual acts... Yeah, not being mentioned at all. Especially that strange position they were in! Oh dearie it was horrible.

Lynx's retinas may never recover from such a disastrous event. Yes, the poor man may die with that image permanently seen in the darkness of his mind. Almost as bad as that hooker that was hitting on him the other day.

So he just looked at Xander with a concerned expression, his eyes of course asking what had happened and what was wrong because he was a concerned doctor like that. He CARED!

[.xander;;]

xander, hearing the pain in poe's voice and feeling somewhat guilty for setting her aside, was just about to reach for his method of communication when a familiar, annoying voice pierced his eardrums. he was about two seconds away from getting violently mad at his psychiatrist's intrusive habits when the blond extended a book to him. cat's cradle? fo srs?! okay katze, you rule. temporarily forgetting [BAD XANDER!] about the whiny lady beside him--since when was she that close!--xander snatched up the work by the author who happened to write his favorite book. waves of love were pouring off the brunet towards lynx until he glanced back over at the man. the doctor was kneeling in front of poe. his hand was on her shoulder and he was speaking to her. something in xander prickled as he watched this. he was unsure of what was going on with him and he didn't really expect to find out...

then katze was patting her on the shoulder. it looked innocent enough; gentle, tender. but the mere motion of it, repeatedly hitting her, even lightly...

xander moved forward alarmingly fast and the book was dropped without a thought onto the floor as his hand took the form of a claw and swiped forcefully at katze's arm. he wasn't aiming to cut the skin, just to force the psychiatrist's arm away from poe, and perhaps knock the rest of him away as well. a protective snarl ripped out of his throat as he leaned in front of poe, between her and lynx. he appeared ready to do more than just swipe if the doctor tried anything else, but stan snatched the brunet's hood and yanked him back into the couch so that he was sitting upright in his original spot.

so much for pretending not to care about poe.

[-poe]

she'd seen him around before, the super-happy, super-excited always caring doctor who went by the name of Katze. sometimes, seeing him so happy made her a bit happy, too. at least someone could be in a good mood while in this hellhole. but now, after her apology, having a special moment with xander, she couldn't imagine a person she wanted to see less. at first, he didn't even acknowledge her presence, something that infuriated her further. but there was no middle ground with Dr. Katze, apparently. he went from not knowing she existed to focusing completely on her in 1.75 seconds. she was, in fact, about to snap at him, tell him to mind his own business- but xander had taken care of that in a completely wordless, far more effective way.

part of poe was terrified, but another part felt safer than she had ever felt before. finally, someone was watching out for her, caring about her. even if xander was mad, he still cared. and he so happened to show it in this overeating-type-way, then who was she to judge? he was looking after her, something very few people had ever done. a grin crossed her face, one that was completely out of place in this situation, but she couldn't suppress it. he cared. she could have stood and screamed it to the whole rec room, he cares! but, being shy little poe, she didn't.

she merely turned to look and xander, the smile still plastered all over her face. one of the few genuine smiles she'd had while stick in the quack shack. all of her problems were forgotten for now. poe turned back to Dr. Katze, and shook her head, making her brown waves dance over her shoulders. "Nope." she said simply. "Nope, I am just fine. How are you?" it was like being high off life. she could have been anywhere right now, just having a conversation with someone she hadn't seen in a long time.

[lynx]

Ah, great, this was the girl that Xander had considered a friend, of course. A yelp of pain was administered to the situation and he was on the ground. His other hand snatched at that bleeding portion of his arm, a look of pain on his features.

With her words, he turned to her, smiling a little. "I...I'm glad you're alright, miss." Such a sweet man he was, not really caring that he was bleeding.

Unfortunately for this stupid (not really) doctor, a blood-mania was around. And of course Lynx was bleeding and therefore a target of such horrible harrassment/murdering intentions.

Before Lynx had time to react, since he was distracted from being all smiley at the better Poe, well...

He was easily tackled and of course this maniac was tearing the hand away to get at the blood. A frightened Lynx struggled as the insane one tore his hand away, licking and biting at the wound. The injured male attempted to get this man off of him, a sound of pain, distress, and panic coming past his lips. The man named Lynx Katze was in trouble as a bite was being taken from that injured area.

He let out a sharp cry, shoving at the face. "G-get off!"

[.xander;;]

ah fuck, i can't believe you've done this is pretty much the most fitting youtube quote that ran through xander's mind at the point where katze was on the floor and bleeding. silly werewolf, always slicing people up even when he didn't mean to! maybe xander needed some kind of suppressant so he didn't, you know, accidentally tear apart phone books when he was turning the pages looking for a number. wait, what the fuck am i talking about.

xander's reliable mental-self-mutilation came into play a few seconds after he cut up lynx. he banged his head on a hypothetical wall for a few minutes before some bloodcrazed psychopath started ripping at the doctor too. xander would admit that that blood smelled absolutely scrumptious but seriously, who was this fuck? only he was allowed to make lynx katze bleed! the lycanthrope pounced for the throat of the blond's attacker, but was restrained immediately by stan. further enraged, xander thrashed around, trying to get away and at the guy on lynx, but stan forced him around and knocked his head against the wall enough to phase him. the brunet went limp for a few seconds, long enough for other guards to pry the crazy one off katze and get a doctor in the room. once that was taken care of, stan tossed xander back on the couch as he regained his bearings. sup poe!

[-poe]

happiness was instantly wiped out as the doctor was attacked. fright replaced it, and she jumped and pressed herself against a wall, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. she didn't want to see anyone get hurt, and as such, she stayed this way until the noise had subsided. the blood-crazed maniac had been dragged away, and everyone was recovering from the attack. From what she could figure out, Katze was mostly okay- at least, he wasn't going to die. And Xander had.. tried to save him? while she was glad that the good doctor wasn't in fatal danger, at the same time, she was jealous that he hadn't focused more on getting -her- out of the way. but of course, she was being petty and shallow, and cast the thought away.

she moved closer again, returning to her seat next to Xander. she tilted her head to the side, forgetting Lynx for the time being. "Are you okay?" she asked her friend softly. it was clear that one of xander's guards had to get rough with him, and so his well-being was poe's primary concern. she reached up and gently pushed a lock of brown hair away from her friend's eyes. she tried to smile a bit, tilting her head to the side. "are you hurt?"