.you taught me to look in your eyes

[lynx]

Lynx, well, nobody loves Lynx it seems. He got up, holding the horrid wound in his arm. At least Poe and Xander were bestest of friends again. He job was done.

Though, this man was quite touched to say the least. Especially with how sweet Xanny saved his life! Well, tried. Then Stan got in the way, which, was quite awesome. He didn't think so but Tifferny does.

Smiling at the two, he started to stumble out, a few of those that knew him (the occupants of Quack Shack that are not paid), asked if he was alright. He just smiled, and then nodded his blondie head before going out of the door and down the hallway to the most familiar place that wasn't his office.

The infirmiry, of course. He was in there every few days. Oh. Wait. He paused and rushed back to the two, stopping before the bruentte to ruin the moment once again.

"I--I... I came to tell you that I won't be here for a few days, Xander. Three to be exact. I'm getting surgery to remove the scars on my chest... and to of course get this taken care of. I'm sorry that I'll be gone, but, you can call my cell which Stan and Dan have the number for. You can... er... use the video phone thing in my office, I'm sure your guards know how to use it. I'll be in surgery from 2pm to 4pm tomorrow and at home the other two days so I'll be free any time you need me."

Smiles, and rushes off now, waving with his good, and bloody, arm. "See ya Xander!" Yes, gone.

[.xander;;]

poe seemed just dandy getting herself out of the way. so, she can get over xander trying to save lynx's life.

right, couch.

men are stupid. had xander not been a man, he would have been touched by poe's concern over his slightly knocked head. it was very hard for him not to flinch, much less jump clear out of the way when her hand reached into his face and almost touched him. nevertheless, he managed because he loves poe and doesn't want to eat her. well actually he kind of does but he doesn't listen to that part right now.

mink apologizes for the lack of seriousness in this post. for some reason she is not very serious right now. it bugs her.

once poe's hand moved away from his face, xander looked back at her with a clear view now that she had moved some of those pesky bangs. the brunet didn't realize, until he stared at her for a few seconds as she smiled at him, just how much he had missed her. all he could think about was the fact that someone else had abandoned him; he didn't bother with thinking about who. so, in a way, he had left poe. guilt pressed down on him.

he was about to finally take out the pen and pad when lynx showed up in his face. at the terrible news, xander stared disbelievingly at katze, mouth hanging slightly open. however, at the mention of the blond's scars, xander instantly looked down, shame obvious on his face. he heard the rest of katze's words without looking at him. only once the psychiatrist was clearly gone [the room had gotten much quieter] did the lycanthrope again pay attention to something other than the linoleum floor. this something happened to be poe. though he did not feel like he could return her smile, he produced a notepad and his turquoise pen from their designated pocket.

stan wouldn't hurt me, was his indirect reply.

[-poe]

three days, what was the big deal? poe couldn't understand his gaping, shocked expression. a few stitches out- wasn't that supposed to be a good thing? but it wasn't actually important now. what was the important thing was her friend, xander. he seemed so down, so upset.. shouldn't he be happy that she was back at medium risk, free to see him more often again? a slight frown crossed her lips, and the simples words he scribbled on the paper did nothing to change that.

"i know, but i still worry. i always worry after all." she gave a humorless chuckle, more at herself than anything. worries were half of who poe was, always caring too much about her peers and friends, because who was there to take care of them if not her? more specifically, who was going to take care of xander besides her? poe knew he always had either stan or dan at his side, but that wasn't the kind of protection she meant, it was protecting his heart. at the same time, could she protect him from herself? while lucy was more tolerable, poe was certain it wouldn't last.

would their friendship.. their relationship, withstand another trial like that. it was obvious that xander had been upset by it, and she still wasn't sure if he had forgiven her or not. part of her hoped he hadn't, that he would just send her away and continue to keep his heart locked away.. but the other part insisted that she needed him. even if it hurt him, she needed to be with him. how selfish, how greedy.. but she couldn't help it.

"so, interesting scene, yeah? what is it with that dr. katze?" she quirked a brow, trying to change the subject of her abandoning him. again, she felt bad.. but alas, there was nothing she could do.

[.xander;;]

as poe chuckled, xander stole a glance at something else. anything else. although he didn't think poe was the best person to be around right now, he couldn't erase the place in his heart that she had so quickly stolen. trust or no trust, he was going to be stuck caring about poe for the rest of his life, and he didn't want to see the pain implied in her face.

you don't need to worry about me, he attempted to reassure her. the words came out unintentionally cold.

in the woman's short silence, xander reached in front of the couch and picked up the book that had been brought to him. it was placed tenderly in his hoodie's inside pocket. customization for the win. also korn for the win, as the outside of the hoodie clearly stated.

now in her attempt to change the subject, poe only succeeded in making it more awkward. xander's left hand, resting numbly over his leg as always, tightened with a fistful of his jeans. it was so obvious that she felt guilty, but xander couldn't tell her that he forgave her. he didn't hold grudges. hell, he couldn't hold grudges against people he cared about. he tried. it didn't work.

he's a character, came the brunet's dull response. damn it, why couldn't he at least pretend like he was happy? he wasn't doing anything besides making his friend feel worse. xander scratched his unshaven jawline artlessly, feeling awkward at continuing to use the word "friend" in reference to poe. he couldn't help that.

[-poe]

cold, uninterested answers and awkward glances- that's all poe was getting, and it made her feel like her heart was being torn out and ripped apart by stan... or dan. it also didn't help that, despite her increased medication, lucy was whispering in the back of her mind, reinforcing poe's notions that xander just plain hated her now.

he never even really liked you anyways, lucy hissed, her voice mockingly smug. he just pitied you, because no one could ever love you- scratch that, even like you. poe tried not to listen, but lucy's words made sense. if her ex-husband had really loved her, he wouldn't have been so abusive. if xander loved her, he would be the same as he had been 3 months ago. tears welled in her eyes, and she turned away to wipe them with her wrist.

she opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again silently. she stole one last watery glance at xander, and stood up abruptly. poe shook her head slightly and muttered a quick, "i gotta go," before she started towards the door. her hands were shoved in the pockets of her hoodie, and she hunched over like the weight of the world was on her bony shoulders.

at the door of the rec room, she paused and was about to turn around. she was so close to turning, but lucy was whispering in the back of her mind- you'll just get hurt more. he'll break your heart even further. and she couldn't help but believe her own thoughts.

[/size]

[.xander;;]

it hurt. the waves of pain, even rejection he felt rolling off of his friend practically consumed him. he wasn't trying to hurt her, but that was all he was ever able to do. he had run away from home, from a mental institution, to halfway around the world in an effort to get away from the pain, but everywhere he went, he seemed to drag it with him and dump it on others.

he knew from his own experiences that poe had nowhere to go when she announced her departure, and he hated to see her go, but he stayed put as she walked away with tears in her eyes. how could he stop her? there were no words for him to apologize to her or comfort her with and there never would be, not from his mouth. all he could do was growl and snarl and push her away.

she would never like you anyway. you're a monster.

the most frightening thing about that was xander's uncertainty whether that was the wolf's heart or his own clouding his mind with that hurt. he watched helplessly as poe faded into the crowd and almost out the door.

and you're letting her leave. you don't even care about her.

and then he shot up, bolting after her with stan shadowing him as always. not even the warm bodies he had to shove through to get to the exit distracted xander from his goal who had paused in the doorway. his hand reached for her shoulder, but he thought better and tugged on the wrist of her hoodie instead. a soft whine rose in his throat and died down again. he begged her to stop and look at him. although he could not speak and he had dropped the notepad upon getting up, his eyes, as always, spoke clearly enough for him.

remember? "never leave me." please.

[-poe]

being a woman, part of her had romantically hoped that xander would stop her, beg her to forgive him, get down on his knees and request that she be his forever. well, maybe that last part was a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the picture. the other part just wanted to get him out of her life, to go back to being alone, because then no one could hurt her. and that part recoiled when xander tugged on her sleeve, and made poe look at him with not hate, but just hurt in her eyes.

the romantic part took over, and made poe take his hand and pull him into the hall where they were slightly more alone- besides stan, of course. when they were fully in the hall, she could have let go of his hand, but she needed it. selfishly, she couldn't break the connection between them. she understood his silent plea and shook her head slightly. "i never meant to leave you." she whispered quietly. poe's eyes fell to look at their gently intertwined hands, not bearing to look back in his eyes.

she felt more like she deserved to be forgiven now that she had explained to him where she had gone, and that it was more lucy's fault than her own, if that made sense. "i'm so, so sorry.."

[.xander;;]

conversely, the better part of xander wanted poe to reject him; slap him, curse him, walk away from him, something. he hated hurting her, and so far that was all he figured he'd accomplished with her.

but her hand didn't strike him as he wished it to. on the contrary, it wrapped itself around his own hand tenderly. the man hardly had any control in allowing himself to be led outside by poe like a puppy on a leash. he didn't know why he was so willing to stay with her when he knew he would only end up harming her in some fashion once more. the dark voice in the depths of his heart told him it was just because he wanted to injure her, as he felt injured by everyone else, but he refused to believe that. how could he want to hurt his friend?

he was being selfish, too. he felt the wolf growing agitated at the feel of flowing blood (and at the rate poe's was rushing...) but disregarded it and therefore her safety. but with her words came a flood of relief. why her previous statements hadn't been enough was a mystery. somehow, "i didn't mean to" was solace enough for him. perhaps the trust he originally had for her was not completely restored, but there was potential for it to be mended.

again, there were no words and no pens for him to respond with, but now he didn't know what to do. poe was no longer looking him in the eyes. xander needed to tell her that it was okay, and that he was sorry. he did not even think about the action he took to reply, but simply found himself leaned forward, chin lowered, forehead softly pressed against hers. for once, the warmth he felt from another's touch was not irritating, but soothing. the lycanthrope, used to feeling nothing but ferocity and hate, lost himself in the sudden calm he couldn't define and closed his eyes.

[-poe]

how could everything suddenly be okay? they had just been arguing- well, in their own way. the passive-aggressive, silent way. it was wholly unexpected when xander's forehead touched her own, and for a split second she felt compelled to recoil. the impulse passed quickly, and she pressed back against him. it was as if they could communicate that way, their words passing through their skin and reaching each others' minds.

but that was of course, nonsense, and all poe could hear was the indistinct chattering in the rec room beyond. she wanted them all to go away, so that she and xander could be completely and fully alone. that was more nonsense. stan or dan would always be with them, at the very least. but this moment belonged to them, and no one could take that away. since they were already holding hands on one side, poe figured she ought to complete the chain by taking his other hand in hers.

she hoped he wouldn't take it back- it was his scarred hand after all. she prayed that he gentle caress would make it okay. whatever the story behind it was, it didn't matter anymore. she was here for him, and as long as it was in her power, she always would be. somewhere in the back of her mind she dreamed that they would one day escape from the quack shack, and run away together.

with xander at her side, poe felt more sane than she had in years. maybe, just maybe, he did too.

[.xander;;]

whatever it was and wherever it had come from, xander rapidly felt the serenity receding when the "wolf's" hand joined poe's. gently at first, but growing stronger every second, her pulse pounded into his skin while the beast's hunger matched each blow from inside him. in just seconds xander had forgotten about being her friend and all about the unfamiliar peace they had shared for a moment. suddenly he felt like a starved animal, and her scent was the most tantalizing thing he had sensed in a long while.

the tightening of his hands on hers could be mistaken for emotion, while it was only a precaution to ensure that she couldn't get away if she tried. the brush of his mouth and nose down her cheek, barely grazing her lips, could be mistaken for passion, while that was biding time and savoring the moment before the kill. his own lips rested finally on poe's throat, parted and allowing hot breath to escape.

xander's body went rigid and he inhaled sharply to snarl as his teeth tore flesh, but the cry was released instead as a soft yelp. stan was learned enough in the lycanthrope's behavior and hit him squarely on the neck before he was able to strike. the brunet's hands opened on reflex, releasing poe's, and he stumbled backwards into the wall. he remained pressed against it, staring at poe with an ashamed gaze. almost immediately, he lowered his head in a jerking motion, throwing his hair in front of his eyes in an attempt to hide.

he knew this voice was his own mind and not the wolf's. you ruin everything.