THERAPY~squared

[lynx]

"I WORK here. I'm surrounded by people that will kill me without a second thought almost every session. I only have two pacients that won't kill me; but one wants to rape me. Yes--I'm scared shitless. I think I know what fear is, little Xander."

Places a hand to his back. Sighs. Owie.

[.xander;;]

xander scoffed at katze’s words. he had no idea what fear was.

you have the option of quitting, he informed the therapist. you aren’t forced to be here. there are plenty of people far away from here who ‘need help.’ you can run as far as you want, and never look back, and leave the fear behind. you’re so damn lucky and you don’t even know it. you don’t have the same fear i do, that i’m sure a lot of people here do. fear inside, fear you can’t escape no matter what you do, how far you run, where you go…

by now, the lycanthrope’s irritation had been replaced with desperation. you don’t have to live with fear that anyone around you could die at any second, and it would be because of you. because of the terrible monster you are.

[lynx]

Now scoots to Xander, tossing the board in his way aside and he was directly before him. Not touching--he knew better. Frowns a little. "...Now, Xander. I'll say this once. I'm not going to run away, and why? You're here. You and others that I will help. I'm not running away and leaving my pacients behind, got it? You can realize this: Everyone can die at any second for any reason."

Pauses. "...One day I hope that fear inside you is just a whisper that haunts you never again." Stays in his place.

He calmed down. "...I'll make sure, that one day the fear's as gone as I can get it. Alright?"

[.xander;;]

in the four years he’d been at the quattrocchi site, not a single person had said anything even remotely along the lines that they cared about him. a couple of people implied it, whether with words or actions, but no one said aloud that they did anything for his sake, or kept him in their thoughts. now this actor that he felt was always lying to him…this therapist that he found himself hating with such a passion…this man that he had almost killed was saying that he was sacrificing his own needs to help him. saying that he wanted to help him, and would, and had hope for him…

like this morning, xander’s vision became blurred. at first, he didn’t know what was going on. had katze pricked him with some depressant during his speech? he didn’t feel a needle…

then he realized the haze was due to gathering tears in his eyes. why the hell was he trying to cry? xander shook his head, trying to make the tears go away. he dropped his gaze to the ground so katze wouldn’t see. he whined softly and choked on a whimper, scribbling down get out of my face, and shoving it at lynx. after much conflict, the brunet had defeated the onslaught of tears without shedding even one.

at least, he wished he had. a single damp line trailed down his cheek.

[lynx]

Lynx had moved back just a little; shifting to a more comfortable position. A soft smile on his cheeks as he saw...

Well, he only saw the line because of his angle. Not to call the male out on it, he scooted back even more to look like he was... ah; being nice to the other. It tore his heart a bit that Xander was crying. It took all of his will not to reach and wipe up that tear. He tried, hell he tried.

Takes a glance at Stan.

[.xander;;]

in the almost four years he’d been xander’s guard, stan had never seen the boy cry. he was tough. he was a survivor, able to trudge through the deepest pit of shit without stopping for even a second. crying wasn’t a typical male thing to do, besides. no, stan had never seen xander cry, and he didn’t intend to. he could tell by the kid’s position and dr. katze’s expression that that was exactly what was going on, so he didn’t make an effort to see the patient’s face. he was probably already humiliated at the fact that he was crying, and anyone observing it would make him feel worse. stan didn’t want to be responsible for any of the young man’s pain.

the guard exchanged glances with lynx. a softness in his eyes was the only thing that betrayed the man’s stone-tough appearance. he made sure not to hold gazes with the psychiatrist for long, and soon his was fixed on other things about the room.

xander was still now, again drawn into himself. he was succumbing to the emptiness alarmingly often lately.

[lynx]

Hands the other a convient hankercheif without a word before retreating back. He looked quite nervous about even giving that to the other. Sits there comfortably and just acts all casual-like. Yep.

He didn't just make a sign he knew the other was crying! Nope, not at all!

[.xander;;]

touch. even if it wasn’t something alive, touch always brought him back. the brunet shook himself once, trembled a couple of times, and picked up the handkerchief. he looked at it for a minute, then balled it up in his fist and chucked it right back at katze.

the fuck is that for? he wrote, glaring at the therapist. his eyes had cleared up now and he felt right fine letting anger mask his pain some more.

[lynx]

Hit in the face with the harmless fabric. Blinks a moment and turns his head to the side.

"...Just in case you needed something harmless to throw at me." He then stood up straight. "Just... um... You can go now."

He nodded repeatedly before laying backwards, exhausted. Unmoving; the therapist needed a few moments.

[.xander;;]

xander doubted it had been the full two hours. for some reason, he was usually released before then, anyway. he didn’t really get that, but he wasn’t about to complain about it, either. after taking a short moment to compose himself, the brunet stood. he looked at katze, lying on the ground, for a second then headed for the door. honestly, he couldn’t decide whether this session had been a good one or a bad one. katze was beginning to reach him… wasn’t that supposed to be good?

it didn’t feel good.