.herro

[.xander;;]

today, xander was in a slightly anxious mood. he was experiencing some lady troubles, or at least some lady anxieties and he has never handled anxiety well. how many times can mink use a derivative of the word "anxiety" in one paragraph? let's find out.

but, the point is, xander dear came into lynx's office looking a little flustered upon close inspection, although he held himself more confidently than he felt. he managed to mutter a quiet, "hi," before securing himself in his nice, cuddly loveseat.

at least he was taking lynx's advice and dressing nicer, although the best he could do was a wrinkled turquoise button-up and a black tie knotted rather carelessly.

[lynx]

At least he was trying...he was proud of that much at least. Lynx smiled a little bit.... Just a little. He said nothing for a moment or more, and let him sit... observing him.

Was it just him or did he seem a bit high-strung? He looked... not right, too tense, too upwound. A frown goes to his lips now.

[.xander;;]

of course, he would have to be the first one to actually make contact, because lynx could not be lynx on a day xander needed him to be. a shaky sigh escaped his lips quietly as he glanced around the room, searching for something to make some sort of conversation from. he couldn't take katze staring at him like that.

finally, a dark little grin pulled at his lips as he recalled a previous session. actually, one from well over a year ago. "you said i was afraid of being happy. i think... you're right."

[lynx]

He was only assessing him to make sure he asked the right question--but this time he didn't have to say anything, the other said something he had wanted to hear, and not, for a very long time. Xander rarely ever admitted anyone was right, and to hear those words, no matter what they contained to be sad, was nice...

He nodded his head. "...I'm glad you're realizing some things about this...but... I have a question for you.."

The man paused. "Why do you think that? Why would you not want to be happy?"

[.xander;;]

searching for the right words, he found himself heaving another, deeper sigh. this was extremely hard for him--admitting that lynx probably knew what he was doing, and admitting his own faults. sure, he put himself down a lot, but other than his own pity parties, he didn't admit to other such things.

"i don't know," he finally murmured in defeat. "i don't... deserve it. it's unattainable. i..." he took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head before looking back towards lynx. "i guess, to be happy, the people around you... the people you love... they need to be happy, too. and... i'm not good at making people happy. i've never been." he met lynx's eyes surely. "that isn't me putting myself down. it's the truth."

[lynx]

He wasn't going to argue right now, there was something else he wanted to ask.

Lynx Katze paused for thought, just for a moment, a moment or two. "...Who is it that you want to be happy?" It wasn't him, but he really wanted to know who it was that the other had found that he wanted to be happy.

The doctor could honestly say he wanted the other happy.

[.xander;;]

he paused at that, not quite expecting such a question. however, it was a relief in itself that lynx was not reprimanding him.

"when you first said that, no one." he had either had no one to look to, or he had been too blinded by his own despair to realize it. finally, he stated thoughtfully, glancing at the office door, outside which his guard stood, "i guess, stan. dan... poe..." this was so difficult for him to say, so difficult... he practically felt his balls shrivel up and die in a most unmanly way... "... you." avoids eye contact. "but you guys could never be happy with me." throat is beginning to hurt, dammit.

[lynx]

Listens to him carefully, making sure to NOT grin and pounce on the werewolf with hugs and love because of what he just said--he acted as he was supposed to.

"...Why haven't you asked them if they were happy with you around? Instead of making assumptions, you should get them to tell you how they feel...."

[.xander;;]

"i didn't mean..." he huffed a little in aggravation--not at lynx, just at being unable to effectively communicate. he had honestly never been good at that at all. it was a curse. "i'm not... 'happy' material. i'm mean, pessimistic, cold... how could that make anyone happy?"

he wasn't even whining, just honestly frustrated and confused. he had a valid point in his own mind. also he coughed a little because of his throat, which was beginning to make his speech raspy again.

[lynx]

"...You're not just that Xander. A person never has the full image of themself--they must look to the viewpoints and perspectives of others to see how the world views them." He sounded all wise and mystic, didn't he? The therapist pondered a moment more.

"And really, ask."