.kick drum beating in my chest again

[.xander;;]

it was three in the afternoon.

he didn't recognize the man who stared back at him from the glass panel above the sink. to be honest, he didn't make a habit of looking in mirrors for fear that he would hate what he saw in them, but today was different. he didn't really hate what he saw now, but at the same time, it was strange to him. most certainly, he didn't see himself. the man in the mirror looked much too human to xander.

by lynx's request, he had cut his hair. his therapist may have also had some influence on his wearing a solid white button-up under his hoodie, as opposed to a usual t-shirt. his jeans may possibly have been washed in the past week, to top it all off.

xander tilted his head to the side, noticing how much... better he looked now, than he had only a couple of weeks ago. then he realized that the young man he watched was smiling.

did he look better than usual because he was happy? even his eyes, no longer hidden behind messy locks of hair, looked bright and alive. it made sense, he supposed, but he couldn't figure out what was making him feel so content. he still lived in hell, still went to therapy, still was forced into the same dull routine every day. there had to be something. he wasn't the kind of guy to be happy for no reason.

pondering his dilemma, xander, followed as always by stan, slipped out of the men's bathroom and into the first floor halls. unfortunately he wasn't really looking where he was going. cue awkwardly bumping into another person.

[-poe]

a pony tail sat on the back of her head, bouncing up and down with each step. almost pulled back enough to see her face, but the dark brown bangs still hung darkly in front of those ocean blue eyes like a veil. she saw this as her own protection- though in this place there weren't any pleasantries such as "having a boyfriend" or being "taken," poe was sure she was, in secret. those eyes of hers belonged to only one man, and his name was caleb. over her normal white tanktop was a black zip-up sweatshirt. who should get to see her skin but xander? the faded pink scars on her face are even less visible, they're coated with a layer of cover-up barely pale enough to match her skin tone.

heading toward the women's restroom, poe paused for a moment. why was she doing this all for him? he hadn't even said he loved her yet.. is it that she knew already? no, that couldn't be it. maybe she only supposed that if he saw how much she was doing for him, he couldn't do anything but love her. Yes, that must be the reason. either way, there wasn't any doubt anymore. poe wanted to be with her xander every second, she loved him with all her heart. Resting against the wall, she fantasized a moment with him.. his strong arms wrapped around her, keeping her safe and warm.. under his protection, everything was right.

clearing her head, poe trudged forward on to the bathroom, but even from the memory of their last encounter, his scent lingered with her. had she been wearing the same hoodie and failed to wash it? that was plausible.. she turned and sniffed one of her shoulders as she turned the corner, and yes, there was indeed the overwhelming scent of her dearest love, but in the form of someone smacking into her! poe stumbled back to realize it wasn't her jacket, but a dream come true- xander standing in front of her. a smile spread across her face and without thinking, she embraced him.

[.xander;;]

of all the people he could have run into, it was her. he barely realized it--only that someone had thrown themselves on him--until her familiar scent overcame his senses. he couldn't remember anything that had ever smelled so sweet, anything he was so ready to welcome.

once the feeling of being dumbfounded receded, he returned her embrace via slouching over to wrap one arm around her waist and the other around her back, and to rest his chin on her head. whom better to see on a cold winter afternoon than poe, who could warm him completely without even trying?

eventually, he straightened up and pulled back slightly so that he could see her face. his was pulled into a crooked smile so broad it was uncanny. his way of saying hello was removing one hand from her back and reaching up to run his fingers through her bangs. unlike usually, when he refused to look her in the eye, he willingly did so now, creating a sea of blue-green between the two of them.

"break it up!"

of course, it was too good to be true. they were in a mental asylum, and there were authority figures there. the smile vanished from xander's face, surprisingly handsome when not distorted by concealing bangs. he glanced over his shoulder at the doctor who had paused outside of some room not far from them and grudgingly released poe from his clutches. he felt like a high schooler caught making out in the hallway by his principal.

rather than stick around mr. principal, xander looked at poe and nodded down the hall, then began moving in that direction. the psychiatrist glared after them and barked to stan, "do your job!"

"yes, sir," the guard muttered under his breath, trailing xander.

[-poe]

he was.. so different. hair cut, those eyes finally visible. the second they met hers, poe almost stumbled back a step. he had almost always avoided her eyes in the past, and now he practically stole her gaze. what had happened to make him like this? his hand in her hair was bliss, the feeling of touching him again was ecstasy in itself. a flare of outrage that wasn't even lucy burst up when the doctor yelled at them, but she calmed herself down immediately and backed away. no use getting into more trouble right now.

when xander started pattering away, stan in tow, poe immediately followed them. she placed herself step-in-step her the love of her life, close enough for their hands to brush as they walked. "how have you been, xander..? you look so handsome.." at this she paused for a moment, and blushed. at this point they were far enough from doctor down the hall that, after a quick glance around, she stood up on her toes and kissed him quickly on the cheek. she looked around again, no doctor, just stan, and she wasn't too worried about him.

poe grinned at her own boldness. a week ago, a month ago, she might have been too foggy to even think about this.. but now he was all she could think about. poe had kissed him on the cheek, yes, but she longed to kiss his lips, have him hold her tight.. maybe more...? but that was something poe hated to think about, because it always seemed so impossible.. they were stuck in an insane asylum.

[.xander;;]

it seemed not all was lost when they were once again alone in the long hallway. xander didn't really have a particular destination in mind, as long as they wouldn't be interrupted by anyone he was less fond of. which, frankly, was just about everyone.

quite taken aback, he paused at her words even as she did. he turned to look at her and was kissed on the cheek before he knew what was going on. in awe, he felt his eyebrows arch and his cheeks grow hot. the way she smiled at him made his heart flutter. all in all, he was admittedly a little embarrassed by his reaction to all of this and looked away with a small, awkward smile.

while avoiding poe's gaze because he was pretty much a coward like that, xander noticed that one of the doors in the hallway had been left open slightly. there appeared to be no light inside the unlabeled room.

maybe it was that he hadn't gotten a lot of thrills as a kid. maybe it was that he felt adventurous when he was with poe. maybe he was just bored. whatever the reason, xander really wanted to go into that room.

with a glance and a wily grin at poe, he moved for the door. he pushed it open and glanced inside. once he found it was devoid of life, he looked back at his potential partner in crime and offered his hand. the grin still on his face gave away how out of his character, how mischievous he was feeling.

[-poe]

poe could almost feel her jaw drop to the floor. a dark, slightly opened room in an asylum..? that crazy smile spread across his face, and his hand offered to her. poe's goody-two-shoes side screamed out, 'don't you do it, missy! men only want one thing!' well, who's to say poe wanted anything different than a man right now? a small smile crossed her lips, and her skinny little arm reached out and grasped xander's.

it was all so crazy, this felt like it could be a dream. what were the odds this door could be open, right here? no one in sight to stop them.. it was like the asylum wanted them to break the rules. it was working with them, it wanted some happiness and love to fill its' halls and rooms. apparently, today one of its rooms was going to get a lot of love indeed. nervous, poe clutched onto xander's arm. even though it looked like the room was empty, she didn't want to be the first one to go in. she could feel her heart pounding away in her chest already.. what did xander have planned?

she looked up at him, clearly nervous but with a trusting smile. then she remembered, and looked back at stan, wondering. what was he thinking about all this?

[.xander;;]

in all truth, xander hadn't really planned any of this. he hadn't even expected to come across poe today, much less sneak around in every dark nook and cranny they found. the chiefest quality about wild animals was, after all, their wildness; their unpredictability. this supposed werewolf was absolutely no exception.

as if it called to that hidden beast, the darkness drew xander quickly into the room. shadows crept along the wall as the pair entered, sending shivers of excitement up the young man's spine. his eyes darted over old shelves lined up against one wall of the room. he couldn't tell how deep it was, where the room ended. what he could see was littered with cleaners, cloths, mops, buckets, generally what one would expect to find in a janitor's closet.

the janitor's closet! of all places. today was like a revisitation of high school. maybe it was like a sign--he had never finished school, dropping out the spring after he turned sixteen. maybe the universe wanted him to be back in high school right now, making mischief and being wild and immature with his friends, or just this one friend, anyway.

suddenly, the door closed and total darkness fell over the room. xander heard stan's voice from within the same room hiss, "what are you doing?" his sensitive ears also picked up the sound of feet walking towards them from down the hallway. before the footsteps reached them, stan continued, "i saw someone coming. when they're gone, we're out of here, okay?"

xander made no acknowledgement that he had heard stan. instead, he clung tighter to poe's hand and reached out with his left, feeling around for those shelves or at least something he could use to get his bearings. soon he had found a patch of wall and leaned against it, releasing a soft huff of laughter as he pulled poe close, as if shielding her from whatever frightening figment of imagition lurked in the darkness.

something very real and very frightening was there in the room with them. it was huge, it was bulking, and it was frenzied in that their visitor had apparently stopped somewhere near the door. in anxiety, the creature hissed quietly, "xander! where are you? what are you doing?!"

[-poe]

well to be honest poe wasn't really sure what was going on with xander. he seemed mischievous, fun.. and maybe a little out of his mind. but i guess that made poe crazy for still trusting him in this dim little janitor's closet. he was pulling her farther in to explore, and she came quite willing (LOL DIRTY), when the door snapped closed and immersed the pair in total darkness.

startled, poe clung to xander. the blackness pressed around her, and it seemed as though they were the only two people in an endless black sea- until stan whispered at them. then xander started to move around, looking for a wall, and poe held on to him even tighter. when he came across one and pulled her close, poe's heart skipped a beat. leaning against the shelves, she rested her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat against her own. she felt her own increasing.. thump thump thump. her arms found their way around him to hold on tight.

what are you doing? you can't have him that way. an angry whisper in her head stated viciously. poe closed her eyes and held onto xander tighter. lucy wouldn't ruin this. poe wouldn't let her.

[.xander;;]

there in the darkness, which was usually cold and unforgiving to xander, was a strange sense of warmth, of... belonging. with poe returning his embrace, being content in doing so, he felt a flutter of some kind within his chest. a knowing smile pulled the corners of his mouth up when he immediately recognized the feeling. the enormous length of time between now and the last time he felt it didn't even matter--it was perfect in this moment.

their visitors had not quite left, and he didn't want to move around to let them know the closet was occupied. he quickly became antsy--the way his heart hammered made him feel like an animal trapped in a tiny cage, rattling it and needing to escape. the feeling in his chest forcing his breaths to become heavy and shallow, he leaned over the slightest bit and buried his face in poe's hair, allowing her scent to intoxicate him.

somehow, it wasn't enough. he needed more. it had been so long since he could even touch another person without going berserk, and he wasn't content with simply holding her. for a second, he questioned his motives at pulling back just enough to be able to press his forehead against hers. although he did not dwell on it for longer than a heartbeat, he figured this to be an animal urge, when in actuality, it was probably the most human thing he had done in ages.

without warning further than the touching of their foreheads, xander tilted his head and moved in, taking advantage of the protection of darkness to gently press his lips against poe's. for a moment, he froze, suddenly terrified that she would pull away, that she didn't want this, that she didn't feel for him as he felt for her. he hadn't realized it before now, but in this second, in this endless, paralyzing moment, xander understood why he couldn't stand to be away from her. it wasn't because she was simply his friend, not because she accepted him when others avoided him... it was something more. did that mean it was something more for poe, as well? xander could not even breathe in the seconds he waited for an answer.

[-poe]

holding onto him in the darkness was the only thing that mattered at the moment. him, her.. them. one and together. as she began to notice his breathing change, poe felt a tangle run up her spine. she had heard men breath that way before, but nothing more, as lucy would always take over and poe would be left in the cold darkness of her own mind, wondering what was happening to her body. now, as xander buried his face in her hair, poe could feel lucy struggling to take over again. after all, this was her expertise. but poe clung tighter to xander, and when their foreheads pressed together, she braced herself for what was to come.

lips pressed against lips, but she felt the hesitancy, the question. pressing back against his, poe hoped her lips gave the answer he was looking for. the answer that she indeed loved him.. despite his.. "oddness." she had skeletons in her own closet aplenty, and he didn't care about them either. her hands, previously wrapped around him now came to the front of his shirt as they kissed, and traced their way down around his waist as if of their own accord. was this some small bit of lucy, trying yet to break free? maybe it was a bit of help, needed to move things along.

when poe realized where her hands were, she pulled away from the kiss nervously. did xander even want this? could they even do this? all she knew was one thing. "i love you." she whispered.