Her

[lynx]

Today's subject needed Lynx to get toughed-up upon. It was going to be a difficult task, to get his patient to open up and talk, at least. A frown crossing his lips as he thought about the several different approaches to this subject. He had to some how make it both easy and convient. Something... He had to open the shell of the werewolf!

This girl was a key! How he had said 'her' was something that was so painful in the eyes that it caused Katze's curiosity and heart to peak and break at the same time! What had this girl done to tear such a person apart? Did she tear his heart from his chest and show it to him; bloody and bleeding? What had such a witch done?!

His patient's insanity had to be stemmed partially from the deemed 'need of attention' and this girl was definately a factor that had spun him into the throws of insanity, depression, and manly emoish angst! There was no other explination for these things! What had this wretched, horrenous creature done to his precious patient?!

Perhpas if he was the type to murder and crap like that he would one day find her and pin her head to a stake as a warning to all! Mwahaha!

Now the insanity faded and worry came. Could he break Xander with the memories of his 'her'...? Ahhh... confusion!

[.xander;;]

wonderful. today, katze’s inquiries would be revolving around her. it was brilliant of him to even bring her up. now the therapist would never shut up.

xander shivered under his sheets. how could he talk about her? just thinking about her made him feel like his chest was hollow. he curled up, bringing his knees to his chest in an effort to fill the black void. his attempt was useless and the pain of it all blurred his vision with tears.

the lights came on, making him squint. it was time to get up. he didn’t. every step he took would bring him closer to that office, where katze was waiting to dissect him. he wouldn’t need to break any shell if he forced xander to talk about “her.” she had already broken him.

five minutes passed, and xander was foolish enough to think that he was home free. however, a strong hand grabbed onto the back of his shirt and hauled him out of bed.

“xander, get up!” dan’s grating voice barked. xander got up.

once the morning ritual was completed, dan had been replaced with stan and both he and the wolfboy stood outside dr. katze’s office. xander was tempted to smash his head into the door in an attempt to give himself a concussion, but he was led into the room by his guard. stan was worried about xander today, but the guy could only hurt like that for so long. facing it sooner than later would probably be good for him. too bad he didn’t think that way. he absolutely refused to look at katze once he sat down.

[[100TH POST! WUT.]]

[lynx]

Lynx looked tired; exhausted. He hadn't slept all night. Today hot coco was downed, a large large glass, and he blinked, head tilting somewhat. A ponderance was taken over his features as the male sat down. Waits... waits.

Then it was the right time. "...I know what you're going to do, what you're going to try to do, and partially why you don't want to talk... Let's just avoid that mess and get to the bottom: Who was she, and why was she so special? Moreover--what did she do to you in the end, Xander?"

[.xander;;]

at first, he continued staring at the ground, ignoring katze’s entire existence. it worked for a while, but unfortunately xander’s ears were very attentive even when he didn’t want to be and the psychiatrist’s words belted his mind over and over. finally, when he couldn’t take it anymore, the young man looked up at katze. the look he gave the therapist wasn’t even a glare. it wasn’t even a glare from the wolf. it was the wolf. it was pure hatred.

fuck you, was all he wrote.

[lynx]

There it was. The wolf was a safeguard wasn't it? It... protected Xander from what he didn't want to face... "I see. You don't want to face her, you don't want to face nor accept what she DID to you... The wolf is only a sheild, isn't it? Something you made up to protect yourself; yes, you were bitten... but something was there before, lurking inthe recesses of your mind..."

His words flowed as if it was music... "Xander... You obviously loved her once; and... maybe you blame her for what happened."

[.xander;;]

that was it. this was by far the worst psychiatrist they had ever locked him in the same room with. not only was he unaware of when he needed to shut the fuck up, he assumed so fucking much. he thought he knew everything. he was so full of bullshit it was enraging.

the lycanthrope leapt off the chair with a vicious snarl, lunging for katze. he hit glass instead; pounded on it once before stan nabbed him and forced him back into the chair. for a few minutes, all xander did was writhe and snarl. the wolf wasn’t a shield. shields were something that people wanted. he hated the wolf. and he still loved her, and he didn’t blame her for anything! every day, he asked himself why…but he didn’t blame her.

xander felt the rage leave him in one breath. it left him feeling numb. no emotions rocked him when he tried to answer katze.

it wasn’t her fault, he wrote mechanically.

[lynx]

Ah, so he was wrong. So obviously Xander was in a state of sick denail. "Who rejected who, at least tell me that, Xander."

Ahhhh~ Lynx was good at this game, wasn't he? He did know one thing: She dumped his ass. Possibly when he needed her the MOST.

[.xander;;]

this was just lovely. he was more in the dead state than normal, but not all the way. it was enough to make him numb like the emptiness did, but he could still react to his surroundings, which included people and katze’s annoying questions. he hadn’t experienced this before. it kind of scared him. it was like he was allowing katze to cut him up like a cake.

you’re wrong, he wrote, the blank stare never changing on his face. she didn’t reject me. she rejected the killer…in me.

[lynx]

"...Now that's where I believe you are wrong... ..." Pauses, not sure how to word his next statement; mind swirled with thoughts and the doubts he had had from the night before. Something was nagging him to stop, yet, he had already gotten so far... He had to help Xander in the way he could. If this was the way he could do it, then he had to do it... Sighs softly, before his demeanor changed.

He looked... calmer, and smiled softly. "...Xander... I think... ...She tore your heart out." Softly he spoke, now trying to be gentle. "And you haven't healed; you're still aching because of that... betrayal... abandonment... I don't think you can blame her because this... is all what you blame upon yourself."

Pauses again, searching for words yet everything came out half-way. "...Tell me, what is it, underneath the pain, the sorrow... what the little tiny voice inside you desperately needs?"

[.xander;;]

thinking on that question brought the ghost of emotions back to him. he couldn’t look that deep into himself without considering his feelings, right? but…what did he want?

her. that was the first thing his mind screamed, but… just her? didn’t he need acceptance? love? someone. anyone…

feeling flooded back into xander and he might as well have been crying, though he dared not shed any tears no matter how heavy.

he choked once on his own breath. i don’t know.