.the hardest part;;

[.xander;;]

.surprisingly, she answered casually. this was another plus for her in xander’s book. most people, upon finding out he once-in-a-while communicated through writing, would say something the likes of “holy fucking shit, the dog can speak english,” which he greatly resented. he had lost his voice, not his mind. that mind, though, was shared now with something he wanted nothing to do with.

if you don’t want the wolf to be there, xander, why do you let it? why don’t you just make it go away? they’d ask him during therapy. he would reply with, can a man dying of pancreatic cancer ‘make it go away’? they would, of course, let him know calmly that they were the ones asking questions and tell him to kindly reply with a straight answer. he would, instead, tell them to kindly go to hell.

poe, apparently, had similar problems. the lycanthrope pondered briefly what the apparition in her head said to her. he supposed it used actual words, rather than just stare back at her and speak with its eyes. actually, he kind of hoped, for her sake, that it did. words were, in his opinion, much easier to resist than a hard stare that spoke of nothing but hate and death. did her voice tell her what the wolf told him? rip. tear. claw. bite. kill. he doubted it. if it did, she would likely have a stan of her own.

no, he didn’t judge her. he found it interesting. and when you lived in a padded room with limited means of entertainment, you clung to anything that grabbed your attention. for instance, a point of interest was poe’s short-lived chuckle. was that because of the voice? a recalled memory? or just a funny thought? the boy grinned a subtle but more genuine smile. indeed, xander found her entertaining. she kept him guessing, and in a predictable world, that was good enough for him;;

[-poe]

Lost in her her grimly amusing thoughts, it was a moment before Poe noticed the genuine smile peeping up at her from her voiceless- yes. friend. She returned it with a grin of her own, as if he had said something complimentary- thought it was clear that wasn't going to happen any time soon. The happiness that small smile from Xander gave her bubbled up from some deeply reserved well, and then it vanished just as quickly. Oh, Lucy! See how much he likes you? We could have such fun with him now! Poe tried to ignore the excited nagging of her other half and began talking to Xander again to drown out what kind of nasty things she was going into- about what they could do, and exactly how.

"You have a nice smile," She commented, as casually as she could. "You should do it more often." Although Poe couldn't really say how much he smiled, since this was their first meeting, she figured it was not that often. She flicked her attention suddenly to the his 6 foot shadow, having become mostly unaware of his presence in her chat- she still had to laugh inwardly at that -with Xander. Slightly cheered by the thought, she went on talking. "So!" She exclaimed at last. "Tell me about yourself." There was clear sarcasm in her voice- though it was friendly. "Wait, wait. I'll tell you about me, okay? Unless you have any objections? Didn't think so."

Taking a deep breath, as if readying herself to tell a very long and important story, she interlaced her fingers and leaned forward slightly. "My parents, bless them, were idiots." Poe began with an amused smile. "They were ignorantly happy, and they gave me the middle name John. Go on, laugh- or.. Does that count as talking?" She peered at him seriously for a moment, and then shrugged. "I guess so." She accepted that, though she was quite curious to hear was his laugh, and more importantly, his voice sounded like. "Throughout my childhood," She continued as though she hadn't paused to consider the laughing situation, "I thought I was normal. I thought everyone had the voice. Now, there was one specific incident that eventually put me here... But I think I'll leave that for later." At this, she paused and studied him, waiting for some sort of reaction.

[.xander;;]

.on top of everything else, she had a sense of humor that wasn’t detrimental. tell me about yourself! xander had half a mind to respond out loud, why, i’d love to! but he didn’t, and she didn’t wait for him to, so it was all good.

he didn’t laugh. his smile grew in wit at her name, but that was all. any noise coming from his vocal cords was likely to be something one would only expect from a canine, and canines didn’t laugh. the smile, too, became nonexistent upon poe’s mentioning of a “specific incident.” a dismal frown captured his features. he knew exactly what she meant. naturally, he was curious about her incident, but he couldn’t exactly tell her his. besides, he didn’t want to scare her off with his freak story. he didn’t expect her to want to do so either. instead, he waited for her to continue, blinking. the wolf stared at him when his eyes were shut. its bright eyes gleamed maliciously and the word “lamb” popped into xander’s mind. the wolf saw poe as potential quarry, but the human knew better. no one in this place was a lamb. maybe a wolf in sheep’s clothing, like he was, but not an innocent little lamb.

hardly a moment after this, the young man felt his hand begin to tremble. he was still holding the pen, he noticed. the quiver trailed up his arm and to his body, which shuddered visibly once. immediately, he dropped the pen and stood up, then began to walk away as stan glanced to poe and informed her, “xander will be back in a minute,” before following the high risk patient. he took to the line again, which was now very short, and got two new trays of food after first receiving accusing looks from the lunch ladies. sure enough, he returned briefy with his shadow in tow and sat down again, pushing one of the trays in front of his skinny friend. while he wasn’t normally a defiant person, this was an instance in which he wouldn’t take no for an answer. forget that the food was cold and probably soggy by now.

he continued to shake as he scraped the breading off of his new steak and shoved large amounts of the meat into his mouth at once. considering how unnoticed he liked to go, this was a rather profound method of eating. but he couldn’t help it, not when he was “hungry like the wolf”;;

[-poe]

Poe's own smile grew along with Xander's, and she frowned in response to his. She suspected he might want to know what, but he didn't ask- and even if he had, she wouldn't have told him. The pain of it was still too raw in her heart. Then she noticed him trembling.. Being shaky wasn't uncommon in this place, but usually those who were afflicted did it most of the time. She raised an eyebrow curiously as he got up and left, and his shadow gave her a sub-par explanation. Her brow raised curiously, and she was left to her thoughts for a short time.

Lucy, did you see that? Of course she had. I do wonder what's wrong with him. It doesn't seem like much- we could make it much worse. The small, simpering voice grew into a sick, seductively twisted one- the voice of a psychopath. Sometimes Poe didn't think it was fair, that she had to be stick here when it was just the Other Lucy who was crazy, and not herself. She said nothing in reply to the slowly growing voice, which suddenly hissed with rage as Xander returned and pushed a plate of soggy, unappealing food toward her. Do you want to be fat, Lucy? Like some of them? The ones that eat their feelings, day and night. You'll be fat, Lucy. Obese! The voice screeched angrily in her mind, and Poe squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, trying to get it to stop. Her small hands closed into fists and her nails, bitten though they were, started carving little trenches in her palm. With the pain, the voice cut off suddenly, and Poe opened her eyes again.

She still had barely noticed Xander's strange eating habits, except for perhaps in the back of her mind. She would probably recall it later, when she over evaluated the meeting, like all girls do. Her attention was still focused on the soggy meal in front of her, and she swallowed. Would it offend Xander if she refused? It seemed so thoughtful and sweet, she almost wanted to eat it. Still, she figured she should get it over with, and then they probably wouldn't bother her about dinner. They had more important things to deal with. So, unenthusiastically, she picked up the fork at last and started picking at the peas on the plate. She ate one at a time like, perhaps, a raven might?

After she had eaten three or four peas, she looked up and tried to smile at Xander. Poe had so hoped he hadn't noticed her little episode, just as he probably hoped she hadn't noticed his. She put down the fork for a moment, about to say something, but she noticed the red stains on the handle of it. Curiously, she peered at her palm, though she knew what would be there. Yep- one of her nails had pierced the tender skin there. Silently, she cursed herself for not having more control. After a moment she looked up at the bodyguard. "You don't perhaps have a bandaid, do you?" She inquired, slightly embarrassed. Her pale blue eyes turned to Xander without waiting for an answer.

She gave a small shrug at him, as if downsize what was already a minor incident. "Thanks for the food, at least." She forced out, though the few peas she'd had had indeed been cold and mushy. She returned to pecking at it for a moments, just awaiting her bandaid.

[carnival]

Arms wrapped around her knees, Carnival sat in the corner of her cell, a perfect example of the fetal position in action. People in this pose were awfully common here, and she was no exception. Liquid blue eyes stared across the white padded room to the other side, which was just as white. Sitting here, she often wondered if the world around her was real, or if everything she knew was all in her head. The plainness of the room did not bother her, in fact simplicity was a feature that had the ability to charm the girl into a blissful calm. She felt at least halfway normal then. Ironically enough, that's all she could ever be-- halfway normal. But that was only because her other half just wasn't her.

Two loud knocks vibrated suddenly through the small square cell, and Carnival closed her eyes tightly, gripping her knees tighter with her bony fingers, causing the knuckles to turn white. Two knocks meant it was lunch time, but it also meant she had to leave the cell. The guards had developed a routine with her, where one knock was breakfast, two lunch, and three dinner. Usually her meals were sent straight to her, but on the occasions where the knocks were not shortly followed be a food tray being slid through a small slot in the door, it meant she had to go to the cafeteria.

These occasions were the equivalent of torture to Carnival, and she suspected that was one of the reasons why they arranged them for her. Even though it was not her, Carnival, that was labeled to be 'a danger to herself and others', they treated her inhumanely, more like a lab rat than an actual person. To them, it was interesting to put her in situations she found distasteful just to see what she would do. Usually she attempted to disappoint them.

Knowing that they would come in and get her out themselves if she didn't come of her own will, she let out a sigh and got up from her position in the corner. How she would just love to stay here, where the floor was cold and the small confinements were comforting. But that couldn't be helped, especially in a place as unforgiving cruel as the Quack Shack. At least, that's what everyone called it. The blonde didn't know if it had any sort of legal name.

She figured it didn't. Places with legal names didn't have food this bad. The last time a meal came in to her-- breakfast time-- she was sure the 'eggs' were going to get up and start marching off her plate. These thoughts occupied her mind as she stepped out the door and into the hallway, not making eye contact with either of her two guards, Fred and Teddy, and had her hands shackled together behind her back. Usually they used a straitjacket on her when they brought her out, but for the sake of eating they chose to make the process of rehabilitating her hands a bit easier on themselves.

They then proceeded to moving her down the hallway to an elevator, where they powered down to the first floor, then continued down the hall to the cafeteria. The process could be more accurately described as Teddy in front, and Fred behind her, shocking her every few minutes with his stick just for the fun of it. Carnival didn't cry out once, even though the shocks stung like a swarm of bees on steroids. Any display of pain would only cause the attacks to come with even more violent consistency, until she either reached the cafeteria or blacked out... and became someone else.

After what seemed like years, they were finally there, and Carnival stopped hesitantly at the entrance. The room was huge. Such a huge, vast space. Too huge. This was chaos. To step inside here would be her doom, would cause everything to turn into reckless chaos without any control. Too big a space. Too big. Chaos.

Sweat poured from her pores, and her eyes, which did not possess the ability to look into the eyes of others, darted around the room nervously. Carnival trembled, and was about to turn back, but a brutal shock from that hated stick sent a wave of burning pain through her that caused her to move forward-- and into the chaos.

Deciding that since she was forced into the room and had not entered it of her own free will she was safe from that impending doom, the blonde with the lustrous clear blue eyes looked around for an empty table. None could be found. Terror started working its way down her spine, uncontrollable terror, but then she realized there was a table with only two sitting in it. The terror withdrew, though not without a beast-like reluctance, leaving its slimy fingers trailing behind.

Carnival carefully navigated her way to the table, being sure to only step inside the cracks of the tile floor. Her head was facing down at such a steep angle that it looked like she would fall over, or at the least not make it to the table in the right direction, but for one thing she didn't fall over, and she made it to the table. It was rather small, however, so she couldn't help but sit only two seats from a dark-haired male. She didn't catch a lot of detail on the girl chattering across from him, however, as she couldn't bring herself to look that way. That would be going too far.

Apparently she couldn't stand getting up again, either, because one of her guards, a skinny tall man that was named Teddy, made his way over to get her a tray of food. The guard who stayed with her, an equally skinny but shorter and with a permanent smug look on his face. He sat down next to Carnival instead of standing up like was generally done by guards. As a further discomfort that the fair-skinned girl was sure they didn't normally do, Fred put his arm around her shoulder. She stiffened, the hairs going up on the back of her neck, as he spoke to her in a infuriatingly seductive voice that she knew he did just do make her shiver.

"What's the matter, honey?" he asked, leaning in close to her, much too close for comfort. She couldn't look at him. "You're usually so talkative." He reached over with his other arm and traced the line of her leg with a finger. Carnival felt like biting him.

[.xander;;]

.thoughtful and sweet as it seemed, poe might have forgotten that xander was a man and therefore not sensitive to others’ feelings in the slightest. okay, small exaggeration, but in truth he had mostly done it because he did not want her lack of eating to draw attention from the doctors behind the cameras that he knew monitored each patient’s food intake. currently, he was as comfortable as he could possibly be in such a rat hole, and he didn’t want anyone else coming over to spoil his good time. it wasn’t so bad with only poe here, because she was cool with him, but anyone else coming over would make it awkward.

once he had finished wolfing the meat down, the brunet looked up to notice the blood on his new friend’s hand. her question did not register in his mind as he stared at the reddish liquid seeping from her palm. stan, on the other hand, rolled his eyes and spat, “what do i look like, a nurse?” normally, his tone would have been more of a good-humored sarcastic, but he immediately knew that the presence of blood could be a problem with his guarded and he was thrown into a dark mood. the giant’s hand fell to xander’s shoulder and tightened on it, reminding him that his mouth was hanging open and his nostrils flaring at the scent of the blood which his heightened senses could indeed distinctly smell. the lycanthrope slowly corrected himself and straightened up, moving his body out of its usual crouching position. he was human now, he told himself. he was not the wolf, and he would not give in to the wolf’s lusts. but the tiny amount of blood he could smell was setting off alarms in the depths of his mind and he shook even more violently than before. the shoulder under stan’s firm hand was the only part of him that was not quaking.

“xander,” the guard began sternly, but he never got the chance to finish his warning because two other people seated themselves at the table. instantly upon their sitting, the young man whirled to face them, taking stan’s hand with him. as he was already upset by the blood, a surprise was the last thing he needed. to show this, his lips pulled back unpleasantly and an animalistic snarl ripped itself out of his throat.

“xander!” stan snapped more severely than before. his free hand snatched the patient’s other shoulder and he violently yanked the boy back into a facing-forward position. xander trembled sickly for another moment, staring at the table, too afraid to look at poe and see her reaction, then pushed his second tray towards the first. spectators whose attentions had been drawn by his outburst turned away disappointedly when they saw him draw both arms onto the table and bury his ashamed face in them.

by the time stan noticed who had startled them, he had released his grip on the patient’s shoulders. he recognized the patient as another of the high risks, but she was not the one he had a problem with. in fact, he was rather impressed by how well she held up while basically being molested.

“well, freddie,” he groused, “still can’t keep from antagonizing defenseless girls?” the bald guard was actually rather unsurprised; he had seen enough of this pair to know that fred had absolutely no respect for the quack shack’s inhabitants as human beings. that, and he knew fred himself well enough to be familiar with his inhumane behavior. stan greatly wanted to leave as his hands began clenching into fists with the urge to punch the comparatively paper-thin guard across the room. however, he would have more trouble getting xander to move now, as he was unlikely to finish withdrawing into himself until he damn well felt like it. instead of using his guarded as a distraction, he produced a handkerchief from a pocket and tossed it on the table in front of poe. no band-aids here, sorry;;

[-poe]

in all honestly, for a moment poe had forgotten that her new friend was indeed a typical male, despite his lack of speech. and since he was in no place to contradict her, poe was happy to go on thinking that he was different and, even at this early stage of their friendship, sincerely cared about her well being. after all, what woman doesn't want to believe that? isn't that how any guy gets a woman to love him? he pretends to actually care. maybe he does care a little, after so long pretending, but that would be unusual. poe knew that from first hand experience, and was one of the few women to see through the curtain of lies and actually do something about it- though admittedly her reaction might have been a little extreme.

for a moment she was lost in this train of thought, until stan replied about her band-aid. clearly, that meant he didn't have one. and, though poe had noticed Xander's reaction to the blood right away, he probably should have had one with him. the young brunette couldn't place the emotion written on her friend's face, and dismissed it as a fear of blood. poe had never been victim to that- she saw it too often -but she had heard that it afflicted others, and it amused her. how could one fear something that's inside you all the time? that particular thought sobered her immediately. wasn't lucy like blood to her? always there, even if you don't always think about it.. and both were quick to show themselves when you were wounded.

she was distracted when she noticed a blond woman coming to join them. what strange world was this when three people, though admittedly three insane people, joined each other for the noon meal merely to make each other more uncomfortable than usual. she was just about to grant a greeting to the newcomer, when Lucy spoke up first- though in poe's mind only. that little bitch! came the furious hiss of the woman poe hated so very much. she's going to interrupt my fun! i'll have her eyes out for that! it was clear that lucy was about to continue when, from xander, came the the first sound she'd heard him make.

it wasn't a greeting, it wasn't a polite request for the newcomer to sit somewhere else, but a fierce, wolf-like snarl that caused poe to yelp in surprise. her hand instinctively covered her own mouth to stifle the cry, or at least to prevent any more. out of all of them, only stan seemed unsurprised- though clearly unhappy about it. poe wasn't so cheerful herself, either. written all over her face wasn't only surprise, but fear. though she slowly dropped her hand back down to the table, she didn't say anything and merely stared at xander while his guard spoke angrily with the guard of the blond girl. she barely heard them- she watched as Xander buried his face in his hands, and still said nothing. lucy found her voice first.

Ooh! Did you see that, Lucy!? of course she had. He's a beast! Oh... so much more fun.. He could growl at me any day, Lucy.. don't you want him to? she didn't, but in her extreme excitement, lucy was able to take hold of poe's hand and inch it slowly toward xander. as if this weren't enough, lucy plastered an uncharacteristically seductive look all over poe's face. when she realized what lucy was doing, poe immediately snatched her hand back- she hoped that xander hadn't noticed. this earned her a hiss of rage from lucy. i'll get him, Lucy. i always get my way, don't you remember?

she tried to block out her alter ego as she reached for the handkerchief offered to her from stan. had he noticed? would he prohibit poe from talking to Xander anymore? then again... did she even want to talk to him anymore? the snarl was so wild, and he inspired such power in Lucy.. was it worth it? in a flash, poe decided that it was. to prove that she was stronger than lucy, strong enough to come over her newfound fear of her friend. as she blotted the blood from her hand, she manged a quiet greeting to the newcomer.

"hey." it was simple, she knew.. but it was enough to get her voice working again. "i'm not sure you picked the right spot. what this table lacks in people, it makes up for in crazy." it was clear she was still nervous by the raspy tone of her voice, and the fact that it was quieter than usual as she passed the kerchief back to stan. suddenly, she was reminded of her soggy tray, and pushed it and the bloody fork to her left- away from Xander and Carnival. what little appetite she had was certainly gone now.

[carnival]

With Fred’s arm around her, with him fingering her legs—which she did not find to be the type of legs that men usually were interested in, other than the fact that they were fairly long—she felt her face flush with embarrassment, her skin turning a bright shade of red. However, she did not at any time glance in his direction. With Fred, his eyes weren’t the only part that was impossible to focus on. His entire being just spelled chaos, and she didn’t need to look at it, tried at all times to never define any details of his physical being.

Even autistics had feelings. Just because she didn’t show them most of the time, just because she always seemed to be off in her own little world, didn’t mean she wasn’t human. She was just as human as you and me, in fact, if anything her disability opened her up to such vast vaults of insight that most people are unable to see, simply because they are so interested in themselves, so self-centered. Carnival’s disability made her self-centered in the sense of her difficulty in communicating with others, but her soul was selfless in that if she was given the chance, given the proper patience, she could show the qualities of kindness and unconditional love that were caged inside her, allowed no release by her autism.

Getting back to the previous mention of her vaults of insight. The girl viewed the world in a way most people were unable to do. She saw through everything to the plain reality that it was, but she did not allow herself to be drowned in depression by the cruelty of it, as would most humans who by chance had the reality revealed to them. Instead, she was able to also see the good in the world, and balance out between the two enough to view live with a sense of amusement, although that too was hidden beneath the dark and oppressive curtains of autism.

Despite the fact that she had such a vast insight on the world, however, this situation was no less embarrassing and scary as it would be for a person with a ‘normal’ amount of insight. She felt that no matter how wise or knowledgeable one was, situations like this were felt equally by all people. This idea caused the girl to feel a sense of unity with the rest of the human race that her condition generally discouraged. But even that unity couldn’t diminish the situation.

Only by the words of Xander’s guard did she get any sort of attention, recognition of what was happening to her. She felt a flood of warmth for the man, but all the same she could not look at him either, much less respond or show any sign of having heard what he had said. This was just too much chaos. Too much, and even from his words, which she had already forgotten due to her cluttered head, her head cluttered by all this chaos, did not cause the creepy man to remove his body from hers.

“What else is there to do around here?” ‘Freddie’ responded, a sly grin creeping onto his face. “Besides, it's not like you have anything to boast about, either. You cant even keep the wolf-man in control!” he exclaimed with mocking laughter. He did not seem in the slightest offended by what Stan had said, much less inclined to stop fondling the blonde autistic. As if in pure defiance of what the man said, his hands moved closer up her leg.

Carnival started shivering. Her body grew unusually rigid, and she didn’t show any sign of noticing Poe’s comment, or the tray of food that was set before her by Teddy. The taller man peered at her face, a look of worry on his own. He wasn’t as creepy as Fred, in fact he pitied the girl, however he was afraid to show this to Fred for fear of perhaps getting beaten up.

“Hey, Freddie, you should probably stop that,” he said nervously. “She looks like she’s gonna have a seizure.”

[.xander;;]

.he did not have his eyes closed. he stared instead at the blackness between his face and the table, the blackness created by his leaning position. were he to close his eyes, he would see another pair--those he hated with such a passion. not only was he never in the mood to deal with his demons, but he had just given in to them. the wolf had broken through him, even if only in vocalization. how could he live with himself if he saw how triumphant it would now be? he could already feel it laughing at him from deep within himself. he tried to ignore it but failed miserably.

poe’s terrified gasp eventually situated itself in his mind. fucking retard, he spat at himself. scaring the shit out of people is totally the best way to get them to hang out with you. why the hell didn’t stan just judo chop him on the neck before he went nuts? you’d think he’d know after four years what xander’s c.razy s.ymptoms were. the latter waited for his “friend” to decide he was a complete freak and leave...but she didn’t. once, he even sensed her or some part of her coming closer to him, but she withdrew before making contact. somehow, that was fine with him. he didn’t much like being touched.

it's not like you have anything to boast about. you can’t even keep the wolf-man in control!

at that, his head snapped up. it wasn’t so much being called names--he was used to that--but that this all-around asshole was challenging stan’s ability to do his job...a job that he did more than ten times better than fred. xander glared spitefully at the self-assured guard. his lips twitched at the corners and a growl attempted to build itself up in his throat, but he made no significant outward display of anger. the wolf tore at his mind, snarling and screaming to get at the imprudent man’s throat, and the only reason xander resisted it was because he didn’t want stan to have to clean up the mess. his eyes flashed with the beast’s malice, but he did not assail the guard.

“i wonder,” stan finally said darkly, “what management would think if they found out a patient was further traumatized because of her guard’s actions.” it reiterated ted’s statement, but in a much more threatening manner. of course, he knew management wasn’t particularly interested in the well-being of the patients, but rather their credibility...and capacity for insanity of a level only so high. stan sent a relatively angry glance at teddy. cowards were not much higher on his “t.errific p.eople” list than deviants. perhaps the only reason he despised teddy as much as fred was that he never did anything to stop him.

xander’s gaze averted from fred and rested on carnival, softening. the girl was staring out at nothing, seemingly unaware of the disgusting man groping her. the mere sight of her again made him want to absolutely howl with rage, so he jerked his head back around to face poe and use her as a distraction as stan had earlier. it was the first time he looked at her since his outburst, and he was hugely disappointed but not at all surprised when he saw the fear in her eyes. his own eyes fell, though in apology or self-pity it was hard to tell. still on the table, his right hand moved again to the notepad. at first, it seemed like he aimed to pick up the pen and write something, but then his hand simply fell upon the notepad and remained there, immobile;;

[-poe]

while the conversation between stan.. or was it dan? and fred was quite interesting, poe was distracted by the emotions passing over the face of Xander. she almost missed it, then, when the blonde's boudy guard said wolf-man, clearly in reference to the boy who had just snarled. of course she had heard rumors that there was someone like that here.. But she had never been inclined to believe them- let alone guess that it was Xander who held this dark title. and before the growl, she wouldn't have believed someone if they had sworn on their mother's grave that he was a lycanthrope. after all, this was real life, wasn't it? not some fantasy story about the suffering man who strives to keep the beast under his skin. this revelation had even silenced Lucy for the moment, for she- horrible and disgusting as she was -did have some logic in her. and logic said this could not happen.

yet here he was- and poe saw that she had a choice to make. stay here with him- try to accept that as just a little problem and keep working on the friendship. or, she could get up and walk away, leaving no trance she had been there but for the bloody fork. both sides had their merits: poe did need a friend, and Xander was such a good listener. and she was sure she would be safe around him as long as his guard was there. but on the other side, Lucy grew more and more excited over the werewolf. Poe didn't want to give her the chance to do something terrible. but then, wouldn't Xander's guard stop her as well?

an idea popped into her mind that made her smile inside- while her face remained carefully blank. poe wasn't considered enough of a risk around here to have her own guard. perhaps she might have if the budgets weren't being cut left and right at the Quack Shack. after all, they were stooping so low as to hire someone like Fred, probably for minimal pay and to avert their eyes while he continued to damage an already damaged mind. so poe had slipped through the cracks, leaving her guard-less, though she had once killed her husband. and now an option had been presented to her. the more time she spent with Xander, the more time she spent around Stan or Dan, who could keep Lucy from not only hurting Xander, but from hurting poe as well, or anyone else for that matter.

there was a full chance that the tough guards would push her away, but poe hoped that she would grow on the pair, just as xander had. and then maybe they would start to care, and take her on as an adoptive guardee. well, that was probably going too far, but at least poe would spend less time alone, letting Lucy consume her thoughts and actions. maybe she would eventually trust xander enough to tell him all about lucy, maybe even the ideas she had about him. whether the guards were there to hear, lucy didn't care. it wasn't as if she was a 12 year old trying to hide the fact that she knew about sex from her mother. no, poe was starting to get attached to the idea of having the buff dudes around. they were handsome, after all. her next move was to make them accept her.

until she could think of something better, just being friends with Xander would have to do. and it wasn't too hard, she liked Xander despite his furry ailment. the shy little guy was starting to grow on her, and poe didn't mind. it was nice to have a friend. at this, her gaze softened at him, and a strange small smile curled at the edges of her mouth. she wondered vaugely what he would think of her smile after his little performance.