'Oh Crap I'm Going to Die'

[lynx]

Dr. Lynx Katze smiles softly as he flipped through his new list of patients. Five new patients, and here was number one on his way! A grin on his lips as he read the name: Caleb Vance Xander.

"Suffers from Clinical Lycanthropy... Hrm... Interesting." Yes, the blond doctor muses to himself. "Former patient of Dr. Luzere... Showed signs of clinical depression at times, withdrawls from others... Ah! Mute? Time to break out the dry erase boards and markers!" If anyone was listening, yes indeed, he should be a kindergarten teacher.

Setting up shop (as he liked to refer to it as), the doctor with several degrees all posted on the wall read through the papers to make sure he got Caleb right! Ah, and with five minutes to spare the brand new board and markers were set out on his lovely plush chair.

The room looked like a nice typical office: Huge mahagony desk with several papers upon it. Large chairs place in an almost circle-like figure in the room, with a wall between it. It was made out of bullet-proof glass to keep the more psychotic patients from hurting him. The wall was now raised, because Lynx didn't think his new patient needed such security. Plus, he had to hand the guy the markers and board! Video camera in place, he was quite ready for his patient.

His cute kitty, Mink, was there in the rocking chair on the safe side of the room. The older brown kitty was within sleep mode, not giving a care to the world. What with meeting so many today, he just had to have his precious kitty along for comfort. New patients were stressful, mind you. Now a smile on his face, he stood before his chair and kept his eyes glued to the door. The handle turned!

Oh gasp! He was here! =D

[.xander;;]

hell. that’s where xander was going presently. no, he wasn’t dead [though he would put money on going to hell after death]. he was, in fact, quite alive and quite unhappy about it. his idea of hell was a small room with chairs, occasionally a sofa, peaceful pictures hanging on the walls, and smiling people whose favorite pastime was pretending to be everyone’s best friend. no, not the doctor’s office. worse.

therapy.

if there was any person xander hated more than himself, it was anyone who claimed to be or was a therapist. they smiled and talked and acted like they’d known their patients for an eternity, when in reality they were fakes with happy masks on. they enjoyed asking impossible questions and torturing their patients. he wouldn’t be surprised if therapists played darts with patients’ pictures as targets.

for whatever reason that administration failed to relay to him, the lycanthrope was assigned to a new therapist. as if dr. luzere wasn’t enough. now he got to hate another one all over again. dr. katze, this one was. dr. cat? really? maybe if he tried threatening to eat the kitty, he would be left alone. after all, there wasn’t anything wrong with his mind. now, if he was put through therapy in order to learn to cope with the wolf rather than to be convinced there was no wolf, maybe he’d actually be able to stand it. besides, why did someone he didn’t even know expect him to tell them his deepest secrets? it was ridiculous.

they arrived at the door. xander stood before it, glaring at it. he made no move to enter. his large shadow, however, gripped the knob for him.

“you’ll live,” stan said gruffly, turning the knob and pushing the smaller man inside. he shut the door again immediately, but xander couldn’t bring himself to be angry with stan. his curt words were the rough man’s way of saying, “don’t worry; i’m here for you. you’ll be fine.”

he hoped stan was right as he took in the room, not moving any closer to the doctor or the chairs.

[lynx]

Lynx smiled at his patient as he entered the room; yes, the male looked not very happy to be there, but, he was just in the same mood as always! Cheery. "Sit, sit." Wait. Glad he finally did... after... strange urging movements that the doctor made that could be sent to 'America's Funniest Home Videos'.

A puff of air was released from the doctor's mouth, and he nodded. "Alright, then. My name is Dr. Lynx Katze, but please... call me Lynx... " Nods to this. "I'm to be your head-doctor from now on." Pauses for a moment, he was forgetting something about the boy...

"Okay! My goal isn't to make you get over your problems that got you here in the first place, because, I've found that to be next to ridiculously impossible for most people! We're going to help you cope with your issues and recover... So you'll be a happier person all together!"

Pulls out one of the ridiculously old cameras and approaches the silent one taking a picture! Takes out the photo that came and waves it until the picture of Caleb's face was clear. Takes out a thumbtack and sticks it to the empty space on the wall. "This is you now!" Brandishes the magic sharpie in the color of yellow and puts a smiley over the face. "This is our goal! What do you say to that?!"

Realizes he forgot the other was mute. Hands the male the dry-erase board and the markers. "Pick a color!" Grins.

[.xander;;]

okay. smiling, check. talking, check. pretending to love everyone… check.

this guy was just as bad as all the others, if not worse, xander thought as he approached with a scowl. he tried to sit in the chair farthest away from the psychiatrist, but the blond urged him closer, so he was forced to sit practically right in front of him. the brunet didn’t feel like they were off to the best start.

well, he almost forgot to hate the therapist when he said he would only try to help xander cope with the present. however, the older man produced an old polaroid from seemingly nowhere [hammerspace?] and proceeded to take a picture of xander. the flash startled him and his face scrunched up in dislike as a quiet growl rumbled in his throat. once he dared to open his eyes again, the doctor had tacked the picture onto the wall. if that wasn’t creepy enough, he took a marker to it and drew a happy face on it! what did xander say to that?

hell for kindergarteners, that’s what he’d say as he was handed the dry erase board. the young man immediately snatched the turquoise marker, the same color he used to write in his journal [wonderful! now this guy was going to read all of that!].

at first, xander glared at the board, undecided whether he would cooperate or not. eventually, he decided it was best to avoid complete conflict and uncapped the marker, taking it to the board. i think i’m kind of surprised that they call me the crazy one. his handwriting was rather nice. almost to a girly extent.

he glanced over at the camcorder, which was obviously taping him. the boy resisted a strong urge to flip it off and instead turned to glare accusingly at the therapist.

[lynx]

Lynx didn't like the scowls and frowns. Now how to make this one smile? "Alright, well... Um..." Ponders that statement. Hrm... "I never been commited so, perhaps I am insane and you are sane?" Ha! Beat that boy! Frowns for a moment in thoughtfulness. "That does bring up an interesting point we'll have to discuss at a later time."

Pauses a moment. "Ah, the camera isn't on, but, I need to record this session for later usage, well, if you want, I can turn it on and adjust it... You can just hold out the board so it can see only that and me, how does that sound?" Pauses before he can write. "Oh! Caleb, is there any nicknames or 'street cred names' that you'd like me to call you?" Yes, did the quotation finger-thing around the 'street cred'. How embarrassing.

So the twenty-seven year old doctor stood there and waited patiently for the Lycanthropy-suffering one to write his little answer on his little board. Oh boy he wanted to hug the poor boy and make him smile. <3 But those urges would be placed to existance at another date when dear Caleb was HAPPY. Like on the wall.

[.xander;;]

what was he even talking about? it turned out this one didn’t need to pretend--he was just autistic! why would they let a mentally challenged guy become a therapist? was qs really coming to that?

not…on…?

well, xander felt right dumb. wait, he was dumb. now that he looked at it, the light that would designate that the camera was recording was not on. he immediately shook his head at the therapist’s suggestion regarding the recorder’s use. there was no way he was going to agree to that. being here was bad enough; he didn’t want any proof that any of it had actually gone on. the raw memory of it was bad enough.

and speaking of raw memories, xander cringed and visibly shuddered at hearing his first name. he liked to pretend it wasn’t his, and he hated hearing it because he hated even more the voice he always heard over the name. julie was the last person who had referred to him by that name, and she was not someone he wanted to remember. it hurt to even think of her.

my name is xander, he wrote in a rather bold font. don’t call me that again.

[lynx]

A frown crossed his lips at that cringe. Okay, no more calling him by his first name. Check. Raises a brow at the writting and nodded. "Alright, then, Xander. We'll not call you by 'that' name again. As I said, you can call me Lynx." He finally sat down in his chair with a much more pleasent smile on his visage.

"I know that that name is an issue for you and I will not approach it again until you're ready, okay?" Smiles, this one kind. Gets up, and goes to the camera. "...I'd use an audio-recorder but... You don't talk. That's another issue for another day. For now, I just want you to tell me what you want me to know. Like, your living situation, if you've made friends, and other aspects of life at Quack Shack. I'd also like permission to read your journal, so I can get to know your inner self better. I know you don't trust me, or even like me at this point... But I hope we'll be able to get to know one another, and maybe one day you'll open up to me so I can help you in every way I'm able."

Pauses at the recorder. Frowns. "You know what? I'll just take notes this session... We can start with the camera at another time, sound good Xander?"

With that he took his seat and waited for the other to scribble down his reply.

[.xander;;]

the guy was trying to be nice. he was lacking in finesse, however, and xander unfailingly took most of his words in offense. obviously he had issues with that name and obviously he didn’t speak. so why point that out for any reason other than solely to point it out? in xander’s opinion, only assholes pointed out the obvious[ly detrimental].

hell, he wrote in response to the man’s request to read the journal, i know you’ll look at it anyway if i say no, so what’s the point? then, whatever, in regards to taking notes today.

he paused before deciding to let dr. katze know what was going on in his life. of course, he didn’t feel obligated to spill out his whole life story, but, again, it was best to cooperate just enough that he didn’t get into trouble.

i live on the third floor, obviously. i haven’t had to wear a straitjacket outside of my room in three years. i’ve been here for four. they let me bring my books and my music, so it isn’t like i sit around doing nothing all day. the food here sucks, but i made a friend in the cafeteria a couple of weeks ago.

i don’t want to be here.

[lynx]

"Xander, I'm not going to play mind games with you, nor am I going to do such invasive things without your consent... I'm not trying to be 'buddy-buddy' with your, but, I respect you." Slight smile to this. "...I am your doctor, and I'm going to do my best to help you. It's my job, it's the path I chose in life..." He paused for a moment.

"...You made a friend, well... If you want to tell me about this friend, that would be nice." He decided not to trespass more on that subject. Pauses just a moment...

Frowns a little at the other's statement. "No one I've met in this facility wants to be here. I don't want to be here, personally. The inmates of this prison and mental hospital call this place 'Quack Shack' for a good reason. This place is... disturbing. I'm honestly frightened here." Shifts within his plush chair, pulling his knees to his chest. Yes, Lynx didn't wear shoes. He wore socks with kittens on them. Kid you not. "...I could easily be killed by one of my patients at any time. You could easily kill me, if you wanted. I'm all but powerless... In a way, I'm in a similar boat as you."

"Now, is there anything else you want to tell me, Xander?"

[.xander;;]

wolves are known to have the ability to distinctly smell fear. and while xander did recognize lynx’s words about fear were true, he could also sense much more than fear. for one, he could tell that the therapist was being truthful. while that should have encouraged him to trust the blond, he refused to believe it regardless of its legitimacy.

why would you respect an animal? he wrote with expression of doubt. one that could “easily kill you”?

xander’s eyes lowered from the board and rested on the floor. you don’t even have a clue how easily, he said to himself in disdain, though the thought came partially from the wolf. and although xander simply disliked the psychiatrist for what he was, the wolf spun in his mind gruesome thoughts about how to make the man shut up.

maybe it was in his best interest to get along with the therapist, solely to defy the beast within himself.

after a moment of hesitation, xander wiped off the board with the side of his hand [his left was still tucked away inside the too-long sleeve of his hoodie]. he pondered for a minute or two, then pressed the marker to the board once more.

she didn’t run away from me like everyone else does. his expression softened, but he did not smile. it would probably take him months with this guy before he openly showed his emotions. she likes to read, too.

anything else? for a moment, the patient was tempted to mention his guards, but stan was already on thin ice with management. were xander to admit that they were close, administration was likely to assume the greens were going easy on the lycanthrope and assign him new guards. guards like those he had when he first came to the wretched quack shack, who weren’t afraid to beat the shit out of him. stan and dan were the main reason xander had been able to stay sane through his stay at qs. well, the reason he hadn’t gone more “insane”.